--> why this date seems so important ? <--
maybe it's just a day like the other ordinary days in a year..
maybe, it's a someone's birthday anniversary today...
or today, there would be a happy memory written on the diaries of a newly wed couples..
also maybe, a father-to-be is now getting nervous, standing outside the labour room, waiting to hear the first cry of his little "jewel"...might be twin "jewels"..
or maybe it's the day where someone's life changing in their own way.. maybe something special and meaningful..
~~ yup..today...it's just so important..to me n my family especially..but it's not a special one.
Today but in last year, where it was the year of my happy and blissful teenage life ends tragically...full of sadness story that change me n my family's life forever...the day that I last kissed my dad's forehead n hugged him after I've returned back from sitting for my final math matric's exam...the day that a daughter n two sons lost the greatest hero, the day where a lovely wife lost her faithful lover, and a strong mother lost the main hope of her life...
The day where I thought medic stream was the sickest job on Earth, n that's why I refused the medic study offers to Egypt...the day that myself gone dead and helpless...hopeless...dark and gloomy...and everything...the day where the reality of a life begins as I started to think rationally and have to make right decisions...rather than being a selfish and spoiled daughter... the day that I woke up next day in a very different feeling...
It's been a year now...Abah, I miss u.. so much.. I did cry sometimes, because I miss your phone calls, I miss your nagging... I miss the moment when you scold me... I miss you patting my head... I miss the moment that I kissed ur hand.. I miss every memories when u gave me your warm fatherly hugs.. and I did miss your bad jokes sometimes... I even miss the real fun of laughing with you in the car... I miss your attempts to make me the luckiest daughter in the world... I miss the face that never fails to give me relieve when I'm stressed.. I miss the days when u drove me to school...I miss those days when you tease me around bout how will I look in my wedding in the future.. I miss your cooking... I miss your concern attitudes... I miss your warm smile... I miss those days, when I made you proud of my PMR and SPM's results...and in fact, I miss everything that we've gone through together... and that space is always being empty now, then n forever.. never be replace again..
In my 19 years of living, I never feel abandoned and I don't regret to have you for my father...You were not perfect, you were not rich though, you were not that stylish either...you have essentially nothing that I can be proud of you about...because you were just a security guard, not a bussinessman neither a lawyer nor a doctor...no..you were no one...but you, were not like other fathers...you're different, you were kind, you were caring..you were jovial...you were strict... you were handsome to me...and you had time for me, for the family eventhough you were working days and nights...you never babble on how hard was it for you to work all the way, just to raise us three... I did complain why can't I have my driving license after I reached 17 while most of my friends have their parent's permission already to have their own car..it's not because you didn't want to, it's just that you thought that I still very young to own my driving license...it's just because you didn't ready to see me growing up...it's just because you love me...you never tells that, but I know.. I could see it, in your eyes... you are wonderful..just the way you are...you are everything... :)
I know... I complained a lot... I know, I argued a lot with you...but, you always...always let me win..
# i miss u #
# but i know, God misses u more...#
# He loves u more #
Thanks Allah, for giving us the best dad that one would ever know in the world !
Abah, thanks for giving me the perfect life...we may not be a rich family, but it's always enough to have everything you gave to us...we never starve..we never being homeless...we are happy...you may not be here with us any longer, but your spirits and determination lingers within our hearts... :)
You are the only man in my heart that I love forever and never being forgotten...never :)
~~Dedicated to a lovely father, a faithful lover and an obedient son...~~
My late father, KAMARUDDIN BIN MOHAMAD...Al-Fatihah :)
May Allah bless this wonderful father of mine, ease all my father's businesses and love him like what he'd done to us, giving us everything he could just to make us contented... Amiin~
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| my father :) |
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| the last family portrait, but without me in it..huhu :( |
2 comments:
while reading ur entry, it reminds me to my beloved mama. she left me when i was two. tak banyak kenangan yg nani igt cos i was very2 young tht time. kalau malin rindu apa yg arwah ayah malin lakukan pd malin, nani pula rindu utk rasa apa yg sepatutnya arwah mama lakukan pada nani. tapi serindu dan sekasih kita, rindu dan kasih lg Allah pd mereka.
alfatihah buat arwah ayah malin dan arwah mama tersayang. semoga ditempatkan bersama orang2 yang soleh.ameen ya rabb..
Amiin..thanx nani <3 it's been a year already...
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