Monday, 26 January 2015

Diari Anak Perantau di Cuti Sem yang Hambar

Assalamualaikum pembuka bicara, eh?

Hmm banyak cerita nak bukak tapi tak terluah kat sini. Haha.

Ok. First, this is gonna be my first entry for 2015...yayyy!! Such an inspiration to write more entries in the future, for such a lazy-to-update-her-blog me. Haha. Hope to create much more memories in this year and I somehow (not officialy yet) getting older in few more months. I supposed to know that reaching 22, my life won't get any easier and eventually becoming older than before. And I hope that maturity will come upon me, stay by my side and make me stronger to live on.

Harap tak lambat sangat la lagi nak wish, "Happy New Year 2015~!!"

New year's resolution: Besides completing past year's incomplete resolutions, I just want to have good life, get better luck in financial source, being a person that can make everyone around me feel my happy energy and worth of being with me. Plus, I just want more time with my mom...and being with her is the moment that I really miss when we're thousand miles apart.

And I hope to get graduated from Bachelor of Marine Science (with honours) study hopefully without any problems in late November this year...(doa kat chek pliss... ^_^)

That's it. Wait...also in search for Future-Perfect-Fit-to-My-Soul person. Teehee. 
Faham kot noh. Sapa2 yang rasa dia nak try test market, boleh datang jumpa ibu saya mintak approval beliau. Eh.


Terasa kot diri makin tua. Sapa kata "age is just a number..."? Memang number pon tapi sedaq laaa seiringan dengan usia anda, datang tanggungjawab yang semakin berat. Tak tipu laa kan, yang time gini ramai yang pakat dok bina masjid...termasuk laa member2 dan sahabat sekolah yang dikenali, tak kurang juga yang tak dikenali. Pakat dok jemput dalam group FB, Whatssap segala...tak jelez pon seriuss...Aku jugak yang single. Eh.

Ok laa cukup la meraban. Aku pada dasarnya baru habis exam final namun pada dasar kegatalan untuk stay di Sabah dan tegar untuk langsung tidak meng"usha" tiket flight tambang murah Air Asia dan sebagainya untuk pulang ke hometown di Kedah telah menimbulkan bibit-bibit penyesalan yang tidak terhingga sebab baru ja seminggu habis exam, bajet bulletproof ala titanium gitu la kan perasaan ni...berkobar-kobar konon nak jadi anak perantau last-last homesick jugak sampai lencun bantal tekup muka sambil nangis. Eh.

To be exact, duit tak berapa cukup nak beli tiket balik. Ye laaa itew pakai ptptn jeww. Satu sem bahagian ptptn tuh bersih dapat pinjam pun hanya 1/2 dari nilai sepatutnya. "1/2 lagi pergi mana?" Tanya pulak dia. Aku pok jgak kang, haih macam tak paham...kan dah lesap bayar yuran awal2 sem tuu....sob sob. T___T

Hmm.

Anyway, ada laa hikmah kan tak balik naik flight shiuu shiuuu tuh... Sekarang ni kalau cakap pasal kapal terbang pon semua pakat paranoid...dok tanya, "Weyh, tak takut ka naik flight tuh?" "Ish..takut laa dok dengaq kapai terebang dok terhempaih sana sini.." etc. Macam depa pulak yang naik flight. Sapa kata aku tak cuak, cuak jugak tapi tuh la orang habaq, kalau nak mati ni mana2 ja...even hang tidoq diam2 pon bole ja mati...bukan sebab naik kapai terebang jaa. Kan? Kan?

Aku tak balik ni bukan la sebab ultimate nya aku takut flight, tapi aku serius tak dak dwet. Lagi satu, cuaca sekarang ni macam tak berapa feasible nak naik flight ditambah paranoia dan stereotype orang sekeliling yang dok takut kapai terebang terhempas segala. Haha. Hampa jangan la dok sebut2 pasai kapai terebang terhempas2 ni...benda tak jadi bole jadi kalo dok sebut2. Orang habaq kata-kata tuh kadang2 boleh menjadi satu doa. Doa hat elok-elok dah laa kan.

Tudia...keluaq utaqhaa aku. Sorry la geng. Gian nak cakap Kedah, dok lama dah kat Sabah nak melepas rindu loghat yang terpendam. Dah la tak balik holiday. Memang patut pon. Haha.

Aktiviti time "the-so-called-holiday" of mine ni...merancang untuk melakukan kerja lapangan dan sampling serta memperbaiki projek tahun akhir iaitu thesis yang telah pun menghantui kebanyakan student universiti tahun akhir tak kira apa jurusan pon. Balik rumah pon gerenti rasa tak tenang sebab tau thesis tak sempurna lagi so ada bagusnya jugak tak balik. Even homesick tu dah tahap gaban, terpaksa jugak abaikan. Haih.

Cuti sem kali ni basically aku merempat, foyer ODEC or fakulti tuh dah memang jadi rumah kedua untuk sepanjang sem ni. Tenang, sunyi...tepi laut...dan ada wifi yang awesome betul lajunya. Itu paling penting. Eh. Ahaaa, berbanding sem2 sebelum ni, sem ni aku dengan jayanya menyewa motosikal hasil duit ptptn yang tersimpan tuh. Feeling ala2 freelancer gitu, ke sana ke mari merempat tak bertempat dengan moto. Tak payah nak risau bas penuh kena diri berhimpit segala atau kena jalan kaki sebab tak dak bas dan segalanya mungkin dengan hanya sebuah motosikal. Sebab tuh la lari bajet. T___T

Ape pon, aku pon dah malas nak meraban kat sini...aku boring tak tau nak merepek apa dah. Saja nak masuk entry sebab rasa macam nak tulis something. Haha.

Kbai. Assalamualaikum.

Nak chewii la skit gambaq sem ni. Tak banyak pon. Sila laa jamu mata.


















 
















































Eh tak de la sikit gambar..banyak la jugak. Habis satu sem 5 aku kumpul dalam satu entry...mana tak banyak. Need no caption. All the memories were there...Ceewah.

*Padahal malas nak type caption tu...hikhok.


#p/s : aku tak balik cuti niii tak dak orang nak rindu ka? Hahaha.


Friday, 14 November 2014

Mixed Emo.

Have you ever feel like sometimes being hit by a car and die is better than to live on? Have you ever feel soulless...cramped inside your heart that you just wanna do nothing but hugging your knees and cry your soul out? Have you ever feel that sadness and darkness along with emptiness filling up your thoughts and mind...affecting every human senses that you possess?  Have you ever know that feeling?

Or you just don't want to care much and still live on like ghoul. Empty, restless, lingering and stuck somewhere unexplained, numb without vivid direction?

Oh oh. Saje nak intro emo...masuk feel. Teehee. 

*Mintak slipper Jepun ke pipi ke Malin? hukhuk...*

Biasa la kan emo time-time tahun akhir pengajian ni. Lagi pulak si Malin ni. Hoho. Tapi kan seriously, I felt that way recently...there's time that I feel like everything is just mocking me... my shadow followed me everywhere but could do nothing to help me and I always be the one that stuck somewhere and yet to come out....Drowning in tears like almost every time I took my shower, restless incomplete feeling in every sleep at night, forgot to eat on time and end up eating junks at 3 am in the morning. Well, that's basically happened to me lately.

Cerita dia bila satu masalah settle, tapi masalah lain beranak pinak macam virus. Agaknya kalau manusia punya otak ni mcm PC memory or hard disk ke kan...memang dah lama rosak yang tak boleh nak baik dah, memang corrupt terus disk, silap2 bole meletup ke, overheat sampai bikin short circuit ke, bagus kasi buang terus and beli baru jerr.

HAHAHA. Kadang-kadang diri sendiri pon tak tau nak respon ape dengan surrounding yang macam ni. Ingat jadi student medic je ke yang susah? Bak kata orang2 la.... Itu malin tak tau, since I'm not student medic pon. Tapi memang gerenti laa, siapa pon yang menghadapi tahun akhir pengajian tak kira course ape skali pon, akan menghadapi saat2 gila dan stress melampau sampai nak buat ape pon rasa tak bernafsu. I even think of not going home this cuti semester, cancelling my budgets for flight tickets and to my surprise I rented a motorcycle out of the blue, earlier this week for the sake of stress. So when I feel insecure, I could just roam to everywhere I feel safe and sound, usually library laaa. Hahaha.


Lagi satu, untuk mereka2 yang semacam ini, akan ada simptom2 tambahan lainnya, tak kisah laa, bergantung kepada individu. Macam malin ni paranoid dengan huruf "P"; as for it is used in many terms like,
  • final year "P"roject...
  • "P"roposal...
  • slide "P"resentation...
  • even one of my lecturer's name that started with "P"
    (Sorry Dr...>_<"). 

I even can't stand any terms or words that consists of obvious "P" sounds like:
  • "P"o"P"ulation... 
  • "P"regnant...
  • "P"ulau "P"enyu...
  • sakit "P"erut... 
  • "P"rotection...
  • tandas "P"erempuan...
  • "P"e"P"si...
  • "P"am"P"ers... 
  • "P"oo"P"...
and so many more laaa... To the extent that I might scold my friends that used the words in front of me. If there's someone asked about anything related to "P", my gay mood will change for real and affected the whole-day- happy-me of that particular day. 

*Lol. I might change into a villain or in a serial killer mood if I want to describe* 

Once again, I'm sorry for my bad reflex reaction towards alphabet "P". It just happened lol. But this are not only the symptoms I have, there's still some more like sleep-talking, or not sleeping for 2 days in a row like zombie??... I might be sleep-walking too but fortunately, less sleep cause the chance of sleep-walking possibility to reduce and...yeah. Whatever. Haha. *facepalm*


Well I should stop for now. Goodbye. Assalamualaikum. I just don't know what are left for me to write now. Stuffy brain and congested. Meet you guys in another future post~~!! I need a short nap before I start doing my works again. *Sigh*


- Oh oh...by the way, I find this song kinda have its own meaning. Suddenly I'm attached to it. The lyrics might be just repeating lines but it suits my feeling since I like songs with such simple guitar play. Simple yet catchy song. I thought that's why people love The Beatles.


Black Bird - The Beatles
(Video source: Youtube.com)